Navigating Imposter Syndrome During Menopause

Something that is often underplayed in menopause is the identity shift that can accompany us. The loss of a way we used to think or be able to cope with things. The worries about whether we can still add value. In our 40s we are often navigating bigger careers and businesses and responsibilities than ever before. Changes in how we feel, in our energy levels, in how we can remember things can deeply impact our confidence and clarity and feeling of self.

In this blog post I:

  • Unpack self doubt or “imposter syndrome”

  • Give you 4 questions to ask EVERY time you feel like a fraud

  • Look at how what might be happening hormonally can lay over this

  • Share some examples from my own coaching practice and leadership groups

Prefer to listen? Get the podcast here Imposter Syndrome and Menopause


In a workshop that I delivered to a collective of HR and people and culture professionals a little while ago, the workshop was about imposter syndrome and how we might support ourselves in unpacking imposter syndrome. I don't love that term myself.

And one of the participants asked about the relationship between perimenopause and hormonal transitions and imposter syndrome. That was such an interesting question and prompted a train of thinking from me that I wanted to share with you as part of this series of conversations around perimenopause and menopause and how that might show up in our lives or how that might impact us.

When we think about being in the working world in our 40s and 50s, part of what we're doing is navigating work and professional commitments and career growth and taking on maybe more seniority or becoming more visible or growing our businesses at the same time as hormonal transition in our biology. And so I wanted to kind of pick apart a little bit what might be going on here for us to both validate our experiences and provide some ideas for supporting yourself.

I've also made a little resource with a diagram I'm very proud of because I worked out what the X and a Y axis was. And you can access that in the link below around various phases and what you might notice in your day to day and how you might be able to support yourself in a workplace. But before we dive into that, I want to pause with the definition of this feeling of self-doubt or what we call in popular culture right now imposter syndrome.

So the definition of that is that there is a belief in us that we are not as good as the people around us despite feedback and evidence to the contrary. So it specifically relates to a situation where we are getting good feedback or getting results or getting good surveys. So the feedback that we get from the external world is that we're okay, we're doing a good job, but we can't see that and we don't believe it. And that's what is labeled as a cognitive distortion. So it doesn't match. Our internal story about ourself does not match the information that we're getting from the external world, which is a really interesting situation.

And I say that because this is not a situation where I think that I'm not good enough because I've had feedback that my work product has not got enough or because I'm getting low survey scores. That's appropriate. This is also not a situation where I'm getting great feedback and I think that I'm amazing. And it's also not a situation where I'm getting not so great feedback and I think that I'm amazing. That's a cognitive distortion on a different level, which we can see in the world. Some people do but it's not the one we're talking about.

Here we are specifically talking about a belief that I'm not as competent as other people around me. I'm a fraud. I doubt myself despite or contrary to the feedback that I get. So if that's what we understand by the term imposter syndrome, the work that I do with my clients in leadership and burnout prevention is to sense check that. And I have four questions that I want to share with you, I want you to commit these to memory or write them down or download the resource and stick them up somewhere so that you can come back to them over and over again when you feel a sense of self-doubt creeping in or you feel a sense of, I'm not good enough in this context creeping in. And this is regardless of hormones or no hormones.

So in this time of 40s and 50s, it's very likely that we're going to experience career changes and we may have reactions to those that kind of aren't related to perimenopause and menopause that are just valid reactions or that are appropriate to the context. I think there's also something here about pulling apart. Yes, some things are biology and some things are related to the world that I'm in or the human that I am or the context that I'm in.

Back to these four questions, which are imperative and important and can be useful to you over and over again.

Number one, is there a measure of good enough? Do I actually know what good enough is? If I don't know what good enough is, it can never be good enough. I can always be better, right? And in that context, my expectation of self can run rampant. So number one, do I know what good enough is? And if I don't know, can I go and get some clarity around that?

Number two, do I have a feedback mechanism? Do I have a point, an honesty, a one-on-one check-in, a survey process, some kind of way of measuring whether I am doing a good job or not? Do I trust that feedback mechanism? When we don't get feedback, when we don't feel like we get honest feedback, when we have no mechanisms for knowing whether we are doing a good job or not, that is another place that our self-doubt can run rampant and we feel like we can always do a better job or we're mind reading for other people that they think that we're not doing a good job or whatever the case may be. So do I know what's good enough? Do I have a feedback mechanism in place that I trust?

The third question is, am I doing something new? At a time of transition, when we are stepping into a new role, when we are starting a new business, when we are maybe starting a learning path, when we are doing something different, there will be times where we doubt ourselves, where we maybe don't have competence yet. We don't have mastery. We are learning something. That's not us having imposter syndrome. That is a process of adjusting to something new. That is a process of learning. So if we are in transition, it makes sense that we have moments of doubt or moments of, maybe I'm not as good as everybody else, because that might actually be true. So we don't need to label that as imposter syndrome. We can just say, I'm in a period of learning or I'm in the period of growth or I'm in the period of transition. And that maybe makes it feel a little bit different to us. So am I doing something new?

The fourth question is, are the others like me? So if I am the only woman in a room full of men, if I am the only brown person in a room full of white people, if I am the only young person in a room full of older people, if I am an older person in a room full of young people, I will have some noticing of, I feel like I am different to them. That again makes sense because legitimately you may be different to them.

If you are an entrepreneur and everybody else is an employee, if you are a manager and everybody else is a senior level ex-co member, those are points of difference. And so your feeling of, I am different to them, again, makes sense. It is appropriate. It's not a distortion.

So those first two questions look at, we have a sense of what is good enough? Do we have feedback to create parameters of success for ourselves? And the last two look at what might be appropriate about my feelings of doubt or uncertainty or confusion in a situation and normalise and validate those.

When we're looking at imposter syndrome, those are always anchors to come back to and always reflections to ask yourself and go away and maybe do some work with. If you've coached with me or gone through my leadership group, you will know these questions almost off by heart. At least I hope you will. And if not, here's a reminder for you.

Let's talk about what might be happening to us in a hormonal transition and how that might intersect or affect our feelings of self. If we think about that first phase of dropping progesterone in perimenopause, which is maybe happening to us in our early 40s, and what we might be experiencing is, my body's changing a little bit, or my sleep is changing, I'm feeling a little bit more anxious, I'm feeling a little bit more wired. We're maybe noticing change and we're putting it down to anxiety or stress or what I see over and over again. I should do more self care. I should do more meditation, but I'm also holding all of the stress.

That's a snapshot and a resource to come back to over and over again around imposter syndrome. Let's look at the overlay of timing and what we might notice in ourselves and our thinking about ourselves over our 40s and 50s. What we see is that this intersection is often also a time where we are stepping into career growth, stepping into expansion. We may have 20 to 25 years of experience in an industry. We may be moving into seniority. We may have more visibility than ever. So as women in our 40s, we're often kind of, quote unquote, hitting a stride here, right? Or coming into positions that maybe we've been working towards. Or we may be returning to a workplace after taking some time off or having children. We may be in our forties and coming back into a workspace and again, having that newness or transition in that.

If we think about our hormones changing in this window, in this decade of our lives, what we may be noticing is shifts on various levels. We may notice our body changing. We may notice that we look different. Our hair might look different. Our body shape may change slightly. What we're able to do with our body might change. We might feel like we have less stamina. We might feel our energy levels change. We might notice that things are changing in the way that we can retain memory or that we have different ways of concentrating, different levels of focus, different times that we feel like we can focus.

We might struggle to grasp for words or be a little bit forgetful. So if we think about things changing in the way that we see ourselves. If I have thought of myself as somebody who can remember a lot, somebody who's really clear of mind, somebody who's very quick and efficient, and that doesn't feel true for me anymore, that is an identity shift in a way.

If I've been able to throw whatever at my body, late nights, after work drinks and conferences, and I'm getting to a point where I can't handle that anymore. My immune system has changed. My fatigue levels are changing. I think of myself differently. If I used to look a certain way and now I'm changing in the way that I look and my body looks a bit different and feels a bit different.

I have to maybe wear different clothes because I'm feeling hot, I'm feeling getting those hot flashes and so I'm needing to wear clothes or layers that I don't usually wear. You can see all of those elements of change. I sleep differently, I get up at a different time, I tolerate food in a different way, I'm changing my habits around this, I think differently, I have energy at different times of my day.

If all of those things are changing, we are in a huge phase of newness, of becoming somebody different on so many levels, lifestyle, habits, clothing, body, thinking, cognition, energy, capacity. And so it makes total sense that we have this feeling of doubt. I'm not the same as I was.

Some of my clients talk about I can't rely on myself in the same way, or I don't recognise myself, or this is not who I know myself to be, or in some of the conversations, we talk about outdated habits as well as I'm living a lifestyle that doesn't feel like it supports current me. Some of my clients also talk about not feeling connected to the same people as they change. Feeling like they want different conversations, they want a different level of honesty, they wanna hang out with different people.

When we are experiencing this much change, we can absolutely tick that box off, I'm in transition. I am becoming somebody different. I am becoming a different version of myself on many different levels. So it makes sense that I feel a little bit uncertain about who I am right now. And that's often the piece that when we think about the physical support for perimenopause and menopause, whether we're doing it through nutrition or exercise or hormone replacement, all of those kind of don't address or support that feeling of who am I, that sense of self, which often can be so useful to work through with a coach or a therapist or a friend or even just on reflection for yourself of, I'm coming into a new phase in my life. I can't compare myself to previous me. I can't have the same expectations of myself or I can have those expectations and then that might lead to burnout.

It might be useful to adjust my thinking of who I am and how I operate. I might do with different support. It might be useful for me to have different habits to actually change my lifestyle.

And there is a piece here of others around me may or may not be like me. So I may actually be going through a different experience, even to other women that are exactly the same age, because as you may or may not know, biology is unique and different. And what is happening to me at 43 might be happening to you at 47 and might be happening to the next person at 39.

We may not be the same as our peers. We may not be the same as even our lifelong friends who may be exactly the same age as us. When we think about those indicators of, yes, this is new, yes, I may be different to the people around me. That feeling of self doubt or uncertainty or questioning makes sense.

If I come back to those other two questions around imposter syndrome is what is good enough?

Do we have a picture of that for our perimenopausal menopausal self, or are we comparing ourselves to people maybe who don't have that hormonal transition? People who are in male bodies, are we comparing ourselves to people that are younger than us or older than us? Do we have role models that are in that same area? Have we adjusted our expectations of ourselves to look at what's good enough right now for my energy level where I am right now or for the amount of sleep that I'm getting right now or for where my body is right now? Do I need to actually have a look at and adjust what good enough is for me in this window?

And then do I have places where I can sense check, where I can be honest, where I can be in conversation with people and say, I am challenged with this. I think I might need different support or can we flex on this or maybe I need to delegate that? How am I doing over here? Is that something that we feel safe enough to have those conversations? And that's where obviously a coach or a mentor within your workplace might be really useful or having menopause savvy conversations within the workplace that include different members from different levels of the organisation that are having open conversations around how they might support themselves through that transition period can be really, really useful.

In a workplace, we might look at what can flex in terms of flexible hours, remote options. If we are business founders, can we shift the way that we're doing our day so that it works for you? Maybe that's a later start. Maybe it's an earlier start. Maybe it's a pause in the middle of the day for what one of my clients calls a nappuccino. She has a coffee and then a 20 minute nap.

Can we be flexible around our hours? Can we give ourselves cognitive support without shame using tools like note taking apps or phone reminders or checklists or using our calendar in a different way, having different calendars, different reminders, writing different things down? My daughter has done the sweetest thing where she has written a post-it note reminding me what colour toothbrush I have. She has put that up next to the toothbrush container, and I don't know why it's so hard for me to remember, but mine is purple, FYI.

Looking at what can I use as structure and support to help myself feel organised? Can I give myself some grace over that? I create community, speak to other professional women in the same situation? So leadership groups that incorporate conversations around this conversations in your workplace, as I mentioned, mentors or coaches who are menopause savvy.

In a workplace, can I be aware of temperature? Layer my clothing, are there cool packs that I can use? Can I wear different fabrics? I know there's loads of comedy around discovering linen in your 40s, whatever feels helpful around temperature so that you can regulate yourself, get a fan on your desk. Acknowledging that there are changes here and seeing what you can do to support yourself in that.

Delegation and boundaries is such a huge part of learning, often in your 40s. And when we come from decades of not having experience with identifying what we need and speaking that out loud, that is another huge skill to learn and practice in your early 40s so that you have that capacity to advocate for yourself, to protect your time, to protect your energy so that you can protect your health for the next 40 years of your life. So that resource around what you may be able to do and affect and change within your workplace is below.

The questions you might want to ask yourself as a first sense check is included in that kind of conversation around imposter syndrome, am I clear around parameters? Which you can use over and over again.

As we conclude, what I'm thinking about is absolutely hormonal transitions and changes and being in hormonal transitions and changes impact our sense of self. So they may create feelings of doubt, feelings of confusion, feelings of I'm not good enough. And so absolutely relate to what we may call imposter syndrome.

Hopefully you are walking away from this love note from me to you with some ideas around unpacking that in your brain and normalising your experience and ideas for support as you go forward. May the force be with you. Thank you so much for being here today. It's been an honor and a pleasure talking to you as always.

I’ve made a resource to remind you of the 4 questions to unpack your self-doubt and show the phases of hormonal change, some indicators, ideas for support. Get it here: Perimenopause and “Imposter Syndrome”

Download these 3 additional resources to support you:

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Maude Burger-Smith